Charleston AMA - Amercian Marketing Association

References Available Upon Request.

Have dumber words ever been written? I see this on resumes all the time. I think, “no shoeshine, Sherlock.” If your references aren’t available, neither is the job.

(I don’t actually think “shoeshine,” but this is a family website.)

If you’re looking for the painfully obvious on your resume, why not, “will show up for work if hired”?

Many of the objectives I see on resumes are similarly over-ripe. I’ve seen some that say, essentially, “seeking a job with your company.” You dedicated space at the top of your resume for that? If I’m too dense to figure that out when you send your application, you don’t want to work with me.

Here’s another resume rip-snorter:  prosaic jobs coached up on paper to sound like brain surgery. Applications for internships from college students with no professional experience are the most fun. A student who worked as a waiter killed thousands of electrons with this entry:

Liaisoned with kitchen staff to maximize customer experience.
Interfaced with diners to expedite meal delivery and eliminate errors.
Coordinated multiple orders simultaneously.

And so on like that, Adobe emailed and demanded that I return Acrobat. I wanted to tell the applicant her resume would only work were I a moron, but of course, I never called her.

Nor have I called the “functional resume” fundamentalists who list their skills (Word Perfect, great!) ad nauseum, but neglect to mention where they’ve actually worked and when. I agree that accomplishments are more important than experience, but nouns can be validated more easily than adjectives and verbs.

I’ve always thought  a good rule of thumb on resume construction is: try not to look like a dolt. No phony objectives, no transparent hyperbole, no empty proclamations.

Facts are good, though. I like facts.

barry waldman